This is a journal entry from Saturday 26 April, 2008.
Being uptight and nervous isn't helping. Every now and then I can imagine being relaxed and not focusing on "getting the next thing done," or avoiding "getting the next thing done." It's amazing how much effort avoiding "getting the next thing done" takes.
I've got an organization system for my office now and it seems to work. I've still got alot of old stuff that built up before I had my system to go through. I'm also redesigning my financial plan. Actually there's much more going on, but those are a couple of things that I focus on now. So when the weekend comes, I focus more on that than on resting and recovering. But I still need that time when I can feel relaxed and unpressured.
It doesn't help that we're at the end of a release at work and everything is really busy. It's forcing me to revisit my other plans and extend their time lines. This is what brought to the forefront that my job is getting in the way of my life. And it's the reason I've been looking for other ways to support myself. While my job pays my bills and let's me pursue my dreams, it also blocks me. So I remind myself that God is the source of my abundant supply. I look for new ways to be in the flow and grow my prosperity.
What is it like to really believe that God will take care of me? I've often had faith that God could take care of me, but I wondered if he would. I wonder if he thought I was worthy of his blessings. But if I wasn't worthy, I wouldn't be here. The very act of being alive is evidence of God in me. My sincere desires are God inspired. If my sincere desires are sensual, erotic and sexual, they are still from God.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The One True Source
This is a partial journal entry from Sunday 20 April, 2008.
I just saw something to remind me again that my job is not the source of my money. My website will not be the source of my money. God is the source of my prosperity. Prosperity is something we grow over time. But my job is one avenue that I have opened to receive. If I want to leave my job, it would be wise to open one or more other avenues to receive the flow from the One Source. The more I bless these new avenues, the greater the abundance and prosperity I will experience. The more I give, the greater the flow because I create a space to receive...
I just saw something to remind me again that my job is not the source of my money. My website will not be the source of my money. God is the source of my prosperity. Prosperity is something we grow over time. But my job is one avenue that I have opened to receive. If I want to leave my job, it would be wise to open one or more other avenues to receive the flow from the One Source. The more I bless these new avenues, the greater the abundance and prosperity I will experience. The more I give, the greater the flow because I create a space to receive...
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Spiritual Sex
This is a journal entry from Monday 14 April, 2008.
So what does any of that have to do with sex? This weekend, I was in a Body Electric event - Celebrating the Body Erotic. During the culmination, I was able to experience physically and emotionally what I talked about in the last entry. My personal experience of the outside world within me in one breath, and my physical presence in the world outside me in the next, and the unity of the whole experience throughout. Outside in, inside out, outside in, inside out... I was making love with the universe, with God, with the help of and through my partner - my love. I was one with the other men in the class experiencing ecstasy. I was one with the universe. I was one with God. And everything was perfect. What a wonderful and glorious god that would bring my partner and I together. All the things that seem wrong with the world are trivial compared to God's perfection. And everything is toward a greater good. It was overpoweringly beautiful and powerful and it brought me to tears.
So what does any of that have to do with sex? This weekend, I was in a Body Electric event - Celebrating the Body Erotic. During the culmination, I was able to experience physically and emotionally what I talked about in the last entry. My personal experience of the outside world within me in one breath, and my physical presence in the world outside me in the next, and the unity of the whole experience throughout. Outside in, inside out, outside in, inside out... I was making love with the universe, with God, with the help of and through my partner - my love. I was one with the other men in the class experiencing ecstasy. I was one with the universe. I was one with God. And everything was perfect. What a wonderful and glorious god that would bring my partner and I together. All the things that seem wrong with the world are trivial compared to God's perfection. And everything is toward a greater good. It was overpoweringly beautiful and powerful and it brought me to tears.
Monday, April 14, 2008
In the Image of God
This is a journal entry from Friday 11 April, 2008.
I've talked about the world being a projection of my consciousness - as it is for all beings. I tend to think of it as being a reflection within me of the world outside me and choosing to re-mold my experience of my version of reality.
Now I'm reading a book called "In the Flow of Life" by Eric Butterworth. In this book, the perspective is of the inner omnipresent God streaming out into the world. There is a quote "No matter what I may think I am, I am the flowing forth of the One."
I see this as the other end of the bridge from the other perspective. As the inner becomes more aligned with the outer, the inner has greater understanding and influence of the outer. While our inner version of the outer universe is always imperfect, we always act according to our inner vision and so influence the outer. We always do this regardless if we realize it or not.
It's odd what we focus on. With everything going on at work and on the Rex Harley website. I've been focusing on what doesn't feel right. Being overworked and not having time to get caught up at home. But there are also times recently when I've felt a sense of freedom. This morning on the way to work, I became aware of the infinite potential surrounding me. I've been trying to slow down and let myself imagine having "made it" so that I didn't have to work anymore and what it would feel like laying by an pool in Palm Springs with no obligations.
I have complete freedom. I could leave work today and never come back.
The point is that I have more control over my experience than I typically acknowledge. I tend to feel buffeted at work and in life. No matter what gets done, there is more to do, etc. The point of the book is to become aware of the flow of my influence outward into the world. It's time to start feeling my power, rather than feeling powerless.
This brings me back to Truth. My earlier view of having a personal experience of the universe within me that is a reflection of the outer. And the opposite and equally correct perspective of the inner experiences being the cause of my action is in the outer. This is a yin yang duality. And in between along the "boundary" of the two is The One. because certainly while everything I experience is within me, I also act on the reality within me - which also acts on the outer reality.
While I cannot literally contain the Universe, I can contain an image. God contains the literal universe as I contain the image. Thus I am god of my subjective universe. Is this what the Bible means when it says man was created in the image of God?
I've talked about the world being a projection of my consciousness - as it is for all beings. I tend to think of it as being a reflection within me of the world outside me and choosing to re-mold my experience of my version of reality.
Now I'm reading a book called "In the Flow of Life" by Eric Butterworth. In this book, the perspective is of the inner omnipresent God streaming out into the world. There is a quote "No matter what I may think I am, I am the flowing forth of the One."
I see this as the other end of the bridge from the other perspective. As the inner becomes more aligned with the outer, the inner has greater understanding and influence of the outer. While our inner version of the outer universe is always imperfect, we always act according to our inner vision and so influence the outer. We always do this regardless if we realize it or not.
It's odd what we focus on. With everything going on at work and on the Rex Harley website. I've been focusing on what doesn't feel right. Being overworked and not having time to get caught up at home. But there are also times recently when I've felt a sense of freedom. This morning on the way to work, I became aware of the infinite potential surrounding me. I've been trying to slow down and let myself imagine having "made it" so that I didn't have to work anymore and what it would feel like laying by an pool in Palm Springs with no obligations.
I have complete freedom. I could leave work today and never come back.
The point is that I have more control over my experience than I typically acknowledge. I tend to feel buffeted at work and in life. No matter what gets done, there is more to do, etc. The point of the book is to become aware of the flow of my influence outward into the world. It's time to start feeling my power, rather than feeling powerless.
This brings me back to Truth. My earlier view of having a personal experience of the universe within me that is a reflection of the outer. And the opposite and equally correct perspective of the inner experiences being the cause of my action is in the outer. This is a yin yang duality. And in between along the "boundary" of the two is The One. because certainly while everything I experience is within me, I also act on the reality within me - which also acts on the outer reality.
While I cannot literally contain the Universe, I can contain an image. God contains the literal universe as I contain the image. Thus I am god of my subjective universe. Is this what the Bible means when it says man was created in the image of God?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Sexual Acceptance
This is a journal entry from Sunday 6 April, 2008.
God doesn't judge us. We judge ourselves. How odd that we spend so much time suppressing who are and feeling guilty about it. If people really believe we are made in the image and likeness of God, then why do they also believe we should be ashamed of how God made us - who we are and how we look.
I've tried to embrace that. It is at the core of my life as a nudist. I want to be more like God created me - which is nude. It is why I permit myself to enjoy being gay. So long as it is not unhealthy and doesn't dishonor or harm others, I try to embrace the things that I love.
I've posted a new video on XTube. It's called "Playing with Endorphins" and involves clothespins. If you're an adult, please feel free to check it out.
God doesn't judge us. We judge ourselves. How odd that we spend so much time suppressing who are and feeling guilty about it. If people really believe we are made in the image and likeness of God, then why do they also believe we should be ashamed of how God made us - who we are and how we look.
I've tried to embrace that. It is at the core of my life as a nudist. I want to be more like God created me - which is nude. It is why I permit myself to enjoy being gay. So long as it is not unhealthy and doesn't dishonor or harm others, I try to embrace the things that I love.
I've posted a new video on XTube. It's called "Playing with Endorphins" and involves clothespins. If you're an adult, please feel free to check it out.
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