Wednesday, January 25, 2012

My Story: Part 1


I am a Sacred Intimate. I have been a Sacred Intimate since I was born.


Today's world does not know what to do with Sacred Intimates. We do not fit the culture. Today's culture does not acknowledge our animal natures except as a weakness to be overcome. Whenever people express their sexual natures in popular culture, they are seen as either weak or deviant. Sometimes people are permitted to be sexual if they are portrayed as being deeply in love and most of the carnal aspect is suppressed.


Why does the state of the world fit into my story? Because it has forced me to protect myself. I had to hide my nature for the first forty five years of my life. It has been difficult to unfold myself with such constriction.


My connection with Spirit is strong, but physical. I recognize the life I feel within me is Spirit. Life's fundamental feature is Love. Love expressed physically is sex. I love whomever I have sex with. Some I love more deeply than others, and that is a weakness. For when I have sex with another, I love myself.


I have always been a Sacred Intimate and that has made my life dangerous. Freely loving others is not safe. When I kissed my best friend in first grade, I found that what was obvious to me was hidden to others. I believed I was defective. They saw a distinction between male and female that I did not see. It was not safe to show affection for other boys. How many of my brothers were silenced when I was ridiculed for not knowing these arbitrary rules?


I have grown immensely since then. I have done much more than kiss other boys. I have taken them inside my body. I have shared my sacred inner space with other men, and was thrilled to be so penetrated. I have loved them without knowing their names. I have made them feel love by receiving them fully.


I have always been a Sacred Intimate. I recognize physical pleasure comes from God as surely as every experience that is mine. God is everywhere. My very consciousness is spiritual in nature. I am not this body, but this body allows me to experience myself. This body reflects me.


I have heard stories about who God is and who I am. I have doubted these stories even as I believed them. This being is afraid of stories of eternal burning in lakes of fire. How could a loving God punish his images like this? What is the purpose? Why turn people loose in the world to have them guess if they're doing the right thing or if they will pay for all eternity for guessing wrong? These are images battling in consciousness - keeping fear alive in me. This too is part of my story.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Dominion over your Inner World

This is from a journal entry on Tuesday 17 January 2012


Outward miracles begin with inward miracles. The Kingdom of Heaven is our inward subjective experience of our world and ourselves. I am immersed in the Kingdom. The Kingdom is within me.

I have authority over my Kingdom as God has authority over the Universe. I Am a reflection of God. So are you.

I have authority over my life. I have dominion over my inner world. Even that feels heavy. It's up to me to defend myself against negative thoughts.

I am all that I know. All that I know is within me. For this reason, fear and shame does not come from outside. It arises within. My thoughts evoke them like a magic spell. What I have created, I can destroy. As I release ego, I become more present. When I let go of who I think I am, I step into my true identity – immune to the threats of the world. I can see that. It takes time to unravel fears and shames. The more people who know me authentically, the less power shame has.

Without fear, how would I pursue my real work? How can I help others step into the present moment? How do we unravel fear and shame?

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Erotic Calling as God Expressing

On Monday, I placed an ad on men4rentnow.com (Adults Only, Please). I haven't had any clients yet. I've raised my price to $200/hour because I don't want many clients. But I'm offering up myself as a whore. Well, not really. I charge for my time, not for sex acts. I consider this sacred work. I've also placed an ad on bodyworkformen.com (Adults Only, Please) under the Sacred Intimate category.

I'm also offering up masturbation coaching. This week, I'm supporting a man who is treating himself to three masturbation sessions. I am giving him suggestions and he's telling me about  his experience and asking questions.

My new years project of categorizing my foci reminded me that my prosperity comes from my ability to allow God to flow through me and into the world. The center of my diagram is Love or Sacred Eros. It represents the combination of the physical, emotional and spiritual. That is what I perceive as the opening. As I expand that opening, I express God more fully and experience more joy. I was not able to be continually training for some future existence. I need to live now. I risk all in that pursuit.

Monday, January 2, 2012

A New Tool for the New year

I've got a new adult blog post about Spanking: "I'm only doing this because I love you"

Over the past few days, I've been focused on finding a new way to experience time. I'm tired of trying to serially stack boxes of activities and finding that there was never enough room in a day to do everything that I wanted to do. As a result, I ended up doing very little because I was always trying to decide what I wanted to do versus what I wanted to release. It all seemed important. At the same time, I didn't want to be so lax that I missed out on things that I wanted to accomplish.

As a result, I came up with a new metaphor that reflects how I see the world. The this metaphor will be successful or know will depend on if it's useful. I see my life being a blend of spiritual, physical and emotional. Some would suggest adding mental to this blend, but I tend to confuse it with emotional - so I'm leaving it out for now.

The spiritual is that part of me that is unknown and/or unknowable. It is the source from which everything else flows. It exists before thought.The emotional part of me is self-explanatory. It's made up of love and hate, fear and courage, sadness and joy... The physical part of me is my animal body that needs to be cared for as one would care for a beloved pet. Those are the basic parts and they are orthogonal. The spiritual, emotional and physical dimensions of myself are like the three dimensions of space. People tend to put one dimension at a more primary level than another. Spiritually oriented people might look down at the physical. Physically oriented people might see the spiritual as immaterial (was that a pun?).

Each of these can be considered like circles and these circles overlap to an extent. I would call the overlap of the spiritual and emotional as relationship, of the emotional and physical as erotic, and of the spiritual and physical as presence. Where all three overlap, I would like to call Love or Sacred Eros. My life's calling is to expand that overlap. My believe is that these overlapping dimensions create an opening through which the divine can manifest in the world.

I have taken the opportunity to create a diagram showing these overlapping areas and list my priorities in each. Now I can see how things I choose to do relate to other things that are important to me. I've also listed habits that I want to pick up (within) and things I wish to express in the world (without). I've also got an intention block This year, my intention is to release an emotional block that prevents me from expressing emotions of joy.





Consider filling out the diagram for yourself and let me know if it's useful.