Saturday, August 11, 2012

My Story: Part 3

During Healing, I started to appreciate the story of my life. Normally I feel inadequate. I don't normally see myself as a strong person with a rich and interesting life. The reality is that I've lived during interesting times. I've survived when maybe I shouldn't have.

I can't tell my life's story in a single journal entry. My life so far forms a canvas for my life today. I spent six years in the National Guard as an 11b Infantry Soldier. I drank, did drugs and smoked cigarettes for years before going to a mental institution and joining a twelve step fellowship. I had lots of anonymous sex with men. I became HIV+ and have survived it for the past 21 years. I studied physics at Virginia Tech before dropping out and going to Computer Learning Center to learn electronics and computer repair before getting my bachelor's degree in Computer Information Systems from Strayer College and eventually writing Java software for 16 years. I earn and spend more than my father could have imagined and I was there for his death.

My Story: Part 1
My Story: Part 2

Living Life

This is a journal entry from Saturday 7/7/12

It's tough to slow down, even when you try. If you want to avoid it, there are plenty of distractions. I would like to make time for this. Sitting still is difficult. The hope is that some inspiration will strike and I will accomplish something. That's a distraction, also. I want to be OK sitting still, even if I sit still the rest of my life.

I am whole and complete right now, right here. This is where I want to live my life from.

This is a journal entry from Friday 7/13/12

I almost feel like I pick myself out of one reality and drop it into another. I pick myself up and set myself down where everything is just the way it's supposed to be. This reality is more real than having to work to make money. Working is such a small part of this world. In this world, I have a home and food and sleep. I have power and awareness.

From here, everything else is illusion.

This is a journal entry from Tuesday 7/31/12

I still feel very powerful after Healing, even though the situation around my mother has come up. She had heat exhaustion a couple of days ago and I didn’t find out until last night. She also had a UTI. I suspect this will be a transient episode, but she may not be taking care of herself as well as she needs to. Somehow she’ll need to get herself to rely on her children.

This is a journal entry from Wednesday  8/1/12

Things were better at work than I expected. My enhanced power made things go more smoothly.

This is a journal entry from Wednesday  8/8/12

I'm finding that the small things are becoming important again. At Healing, things seemed right sized. The important things were given attention. After more than a week back, the little annoyances are taking their toll and it's hard to keep perspective.

I think people at those intensives naturally nourish each other. I was fed and I fed others. How do I feed myself? It must be about remembering what is important. Tasks aren't.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Easton Mountain 2012

I recently attended a weeklong intensive at Easton Mountain. There were sunny days, rainy days and opening hearts.