Tuesday, November 29, 2011

God is guiding me

This is a journal entry from today

What's wrong with me is that the way I feel doesn't reflect who I am, that I think I don't belong here, that I think there is something else I should be doing. I resist this moment and my feelings. I'm turned inward.
How can I see the truth and realize it within myself? Recognize the lies as lies.

My life is short. I don't want to approach death with the sense that I have not lived.
Working in the mainstream corporate culture is like death to me. It's not that I can't be myself. It's that I am not living – out of fear. The company does not reflect what I believe myself to be. What does? Tattoo studios, piercing parlors, brothels, porn studios, erotic education, spiritual eros, bath houses...
I suffer from a believe that I have to keep doing what I'm doing to make the money I'm making.

God is guiding me. God is fulfilling every need. I relax and let God take care of me.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Manifestation of life/love

This is from a journal entry on Saturday, November 5, 2011

I would like to unleash my maximum power today. That means getting out of my own way. I don't want to channel my energy into doing this or that, but to let my energy flow and see where it leads. I want to let my energy flow and then expand that flow.

I believe that each of us is a manifestation of the one underlying life/love which is sacred. I believe this is what is meant when the Bible says we are created in the image and likeness of God. God is the life within me, within all things.

I have already been hit with the idea that there's not enough time. I'm tempted to skip my Orgasmic Yoga practice this morning. I am in a hurry, but being in a hurry is what prevents me from acting.

I believe I exist in the one eternal present moment. I am already complete in this moment. There is nothing to hurry to. I am powerful in this moment. My purpose in this moment is to know and express my sacred power.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Ego and my Pain-Body

This is from a journal entry on Tuesday November 1, 2011

I also posted an ADULT ONLY blog entry: My First Ejaculation.

I just caught a different perspective. It was a very angry and defensive thought, “I had no choice!” I believe I was feeling bothered at coming out and closing my eyes after getting to work late. I don't really think I was yelling at myself for taking a nap, but I reacted very strongly. My goal is self compassion.

I feel defensive. My pain-body was triggered. I'm getting closer to my goal of non-judgmental self-awareness.

I give myself permission to go into that defensive feeling. I just don't recognize the feeling that triggered it as being very extreme.

I get defensive when I feel I've made a bad decision, or when I feel I am not living up to my own expectations.

Whenever I get defensive, I have an emotional attachment. It is insanity to feel defensive with myself. I l love myself and would never intentionally harm myself. I am the one person I never have to be defensive with. I have no need to judge myself so I have no need to feel defensive. I accept myself completely in this moment.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

What do I believe?

This is from a Journal Entry on Saturday 11/5/2011

I believe that each of us is a manifestation of the One underlying Life/Love which is Sacred. I believe this is what is meant when the Bible says that we are created in the image and likeness of God. God is the life within me, within all things.

This is from a Journal Entry on Monday, 10/31/2011

I have also posted an adult entry: I am a child at play

So. what do I believe? I've begun to see myself as a Sacred Intimate – a sacred prostitute. This is so appealing on so many levels, but I can't give myself to this idea.

If I have been led astray by Satan, how do I find my way back to God? Maybe I am so far gone that there can be no redemption. Maybe when I think I'm worshiping God, I'm actually worshiping Satan. Have I been deceived by the great deceiver? If so, then woe is me. In that case, I will never find my way home because I am easily deceived.

I am not trying to unravel this thought. I need to know if it is true. If I pray for God to lead me home, am I praying to Satan to lead me astray? How can this prodigal son find his way home?

If it is up to me, then I am lost. But my faith is strong. There is nothing beyond God's reach - not even me. I believe that the God of my fathers can and will save me in all situations always.

Since this belief comes from the same place as the one that is afraid I have strayed, it should be neutralized. Never be afraid to investigate a thought that frightens you.

I believe more and more that I am not these thoughts, emotions, sensations or body. I associate with that which perceives these things. I choose what I allow into my consciousness. I can dedicate more attention to improving my inner experience so that I can help others do the same. I can know Truth – that I am how I see the world – and be freed to improve my world inside and out.