This is a journal entry from Saturday 26 April, 2008.
Being uptight and nervous isn't helping. Every now and then I can imagine being relaxed and not focusing on "getting the next thing done," or avoiding "getting the next thing done." It's amazing how much effort avoiding "getting the next thing done" takes.
I've got an organization system for my office now and it seems to work. I've still got alot of old stuff that built up before I had my system to go through. I'm also redesigning my financial plan. Actually there's much more going on, but those are a couple of things that I focus on now. So when the weekend comes, I focus more on that than on resting and recovering. But I still need that time when I can feel relaxed and unpressured.
It doesn't help that we're at the end of a release at work and everything is really busy. It's forcing me to revisit my other plans and extend their time lines. This is what brought to the forefront that my job is getting in the way of my life. And it's the reason I've been looking for other ways to support myself. While my job pays my bills and let's me pursue my dreams, it also blocks me. So I remind myself that God is the source of my abundant supply. I look for new ways to be in the flow and grow my prosperity.
What is it like to really believe that God will take care of me? I've often had faith that God could take care of me, but I wondered if he would. I wonder if he thought I was worthy of his blessings. But if I wasn't worthy, I wouldn't be here. The very act of being alive is evidence of God in me. My sincere desires are God inspired. If my sincere desires are sensual, erotic and sexual, they are still from God.