Wednesday, June 18, 2008


This is a journal entry from Tuesday 6/17/2008

I need to take better care of myself. I'm not getting enough of something I need. I don't pay attention to my state of mind until I have an outburst of anger.

Sometimes it's because I'm hungry. Other times, I'm sleepy. Mostly I'm just not very happy. I'm not feeling nourished on a deeper level. Now I think it's because I'm not paying attention to myself. If I notice when I'm out of sorts, maybe I can correct it before it causes a problem. But if I feel agitated and don't know why, then what can I do about it? It's probably much simpler than it sounds.

If I'm hungry, eat.

If I'm sleepy, sleep.

If I'm stressed, take a walk and reconnect.

What happens when I can't shake the stress? I'm stressing myself. I'm pushing very hard on the website. There's no revenue yet. Whether the income comes from the website itself, or if the website leads to something else, I have a lot riding on this emotionally. More than I should.

On the other hand, I am more aware of my state of mind. I'm not as likely to be oblivious. There are times when I recognize the tired feeling I get as I head to work is actually anxiety. Sometimes I notice the clear blue sky and sense how much more there is to the universe than the problems in my life. There are times when I have an inkling of self-confidence regarding my business and can imagine feeling good - or not anxious.

I come back to this sense of being buffeted by life. Why not take charge of life? There are very few things that I must do. It's hard to describe what I mean. It's not time management or setting goals. It's recognizing that I am not buffeted by the universe, but by my reactions to it.

When you feel buffeted by life, take charge as the rightful co-creator of your life. What you create has no ability to harm you.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Where does my heart guide me today?

This is a journal entry from Sunday 6/8/2008

My life is mine to design. I have infinite potential. Where does my heart guide me? I feel too tired to be in touch with my heart. If I close my eyes, I can imagine a place of empowerment - where I am free to create a place where I am unencumbered and free to act. I still can't see what it is that I am doing, but I see a flowing forth of creative potential and a reaping of the results. In a classic sense, I grow my prosperity.

Prosperity is a growth of the ability to sow and to reap. Ideas are the seeds of today. What ideas can I plant and nurture that have the greatest capacity for growth and the largest harvest? I don't believe it lies in a salaried job working for someone else.

So I want to A) Complete the Rex Harley website work to the point that there is a DVD being sold through the website and B) Produce the work environment I need to be able to do freelance programming and web development. This includes a component library that I can reuse and leverage in doing my freelance work. I can research including open source products. C) Still need to work on developing a muse company.

A New HDK Model Application?

This is a journal entry from Friday 6/6/2008

Last night, I update the website with the last of the pictures and video clips from Memorial Day. Go to and see "Bondage with CBT Video & Pics," "Pics out at the campground" and "Vacuum Pump and Fleshlight video."

I'm still updating the website, but I'm going to submit my HDK application. I may follow up with a call to the president of HDK to let him know I was submitting. I still think there's not much chance, but I'm better prepared now than I have been before.

I'm evolving a unified approach to life. I'm preparing myself to leave my current employer. My website is evolving. I'm researching the industry to find out how I might market my skills. I want to also have an outreach for those who want out of the industry - those who may feel trapped doing things they don't want to do. I want to promote the idea that sex is natural and sex is good, but to provide for help for those whose compulsive behavior is damaging their lives.

Not Enough Hours in the Day

This is a journal entry from Tuesday 6/3/2008

There aren't enough hours in the day, but there are enough days for an eternal spirit. I've been stressed about getting more done in less time, and feeling too busy to enjoy life. I think of the things I'm not doing - learning Spanish and sign language, studying engineering, taking martial arts classes... If I start spreading those out instead of trying to do them all now, maybe they are do-able.

How long until I can do my dreamlining again? What business can I create that will allow me to automate myself out of the picture?

Setting Course

This is a journal entry from Sunday 6/1/2008

I don't want to be at home all the time. I wonder how much I could get done by working online away from the house. How long before I get tired of the coffee shops?

"Interest and energy are cyclical," said Timothy Ferriss in The 4-Hour Workweek. It's weird that I sit here trying to figure out what to do with my time when all my needs are met. Like I wouldn't have time to figure that out then.

Soon I will have everything posted that I currently have available for posting. Then it will be bi-weekly updates - until I h ave enough clips together for a DVD.

By then, I will be ready to focus on another project for six months to a year. Depending on where my passion lies. In the meantime, I'm balancing several prosperity forms:
  • The Rex Harley website - nearing initial completion
  • Contracting
  • Freelance work
  • Telecommuting
  • Muse

I can't pursue all of them at once. For now, I'm giving my full attention to the Rex Harley website. After that, I will give my full attention to updating my resume and putting things together so that I can market my software development skills to the adult entertainment industry. That would be with a telecommuting job or freelance work or contracting. That will include becoming self insured.

One of the things I'd like to do is help set up an escape route for people in the adult industry who do not want to be involved. No one should feel forced to do this. Do I become "Father Rex" to the adult entertainment community?

Leveraging Technical Skills

This is a journal entry from Thursday 5/29/2008

It's a relief to think that I don't have to give up everything I know, but I can leverage my technical skills with Rex Harley. I'm still finding my way. This isn't the muse company that I had been planning on. If I'm doing web development - it would be very time consuming. I was trying to find an automated income. Then I would be able to afford to spend my time the way I chose. My goal is freedom. But I don't know if it's worth the fight to build an adult business. Maybe it would be better to do something more generic and let my website be an expression of joy instead of a business.

My goal is more than Freedom. It is Freedom and Order and Love and Sex and Prosperity.

Even if the website isn't the panacea I'd like, if I can limit the hours of work per week and make it location independent by telecommuting, then I'll have more control over reaching my bigger goals and be working in an industry that I believe in and that could definitely use an infusion of spirituality.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Adult Business Resources

This is a journal entry from Wednesday 5/28/2008

I'm finally finding some resources to help me figure out how to manage and build my website. India and Elance haven't worked because the mainstream companies won't touch the adult business. I'm finally finding some links to businesses that specifically support adult businesses. We'll see how that goes. Some of the pages I found even have job offers for telecommuting web developers. So now I'm thinking about building my skills in that area and using my website to showcase my skills.

Tasks for week of Monday 5/26/2008

This is a journal entry from Monday 5/26/2008

I had been weighing the option of having my next job be a contracting job instead of full time. Now I'm considering going off the grid altogether. Could I make enough money freelancing and with the Rex Harley website to support myself? How do people in the adult industry find contracting resources?

I could use Rex Harley as a showcase of my skills. It's a scary and powerful idea to be completely independent, without relying on a full time job to support me.

But I need help and time. I don't know how to do these things and it takes time to research them. I feel that I need to make some headway before quitting my job, but I won't be able to make any headway before quitting my job. It's hard to keep focus. I need a chart of things to manage or have managed. Insurance is the big one. Then taxes...

So the goals for the week include:
Finishing getting content on the Rex Harley website as soon as possible.
Finishing converting the old format pages to the new maintainable one.
Beginning the process of putting together a software toolkit so that I can quickly be productive as a freelance Java programmer.
Researching how one makes a living as a freelance web developer.

I think the key is going to be the ability to step back from time to time and not get stuck in details. And a willingness to change my approach.

Monday, June 9, 2008

What's the goal for Rex Harley?

While I don't have a clear business plan as of yet, I am committed to the vision statement that's posted on the website:
1) To help others experience sex as a divine gift that we are encouraged to explore.
2) As an exhibitionist, to share my exploration of my sexuality online and with as many men as possible.

I recognize that I am not going to make large chunks of money with this website. I don't have the look that would attract large numbers of fans. I do think that I can fill a niche of people who would be attracted to my body type.

Possible refinements of the niche involve:
1) The spiritual and self-acceptance angle - where I show by example that it's good to be gay and that there is an innocence in pure physical pleasure.
2) Reviewing or giving access to the toys that I play with. I saw a toy in a video once that I wanted and then had to spend hours trolling around the Internet to find one.

I've got the website and two blogs: discusses the website and the travails of getting it set up and forming a business as an adult entertainer and where I want to post stories. I figure posting them there will be easier than writing new web pages for by scratch.

So far the only revenue stream is affiliate advertising. I'm not interested in thumbnail farms or bogus blogs that are only intended for advertising - but am more than happy to advertise quality services on the blog and on the website.

I am considering using this a primarily a learning experience so that I can leverage my software and web development skills with the adult entertainment industry.

If I could engineer a way to earn between 50 and 100k per year in after tax dollars with this franchise, then I will be more than happy.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Safe from India Outsourcing

This is a journal entry from Sunday 5/25/2008

I’m having a hard time finding anyone in India that can accomplish any of my tasks for Rex Harley. In the most recent incident, I asked for straightforward industry research on companies. They weren’t able to do it because they were business in the adult industry. I wasn’t asking for anyone to look at any pictures. I just wanted names and addresses and where they make their money. I guess this is one industry that is safe from outsourcing to India.

Programming Experience and Adult Content

This is a journal entry from Tuesday 5/20/2008

The website is coming along. I've decided to finish adding pictures that I hadn't posted yet. The idea is to get as much content on the website as possible - knowing that more will always be coming. since progress has been so rapid, I've decided to finish it up before starting my new job search in earnest. It will be less to worry about.

I should be doing another video clip at Lonestar this weekend. I should print some business cards. I'd love to do ass play, but it's difficult to clean up out there. I may try anyway. The backup plan for now involves a vacuum pump and a fleshlight. I wonder if I could do some self bondage.

I guess then it would be a matter of coming up with a brand and doing some marketing. And modeling. and researching the industry.
And here's a new thought - to start marketing my programming skills to the adult industry on a contract basis. Others probably have trouble finding outsource resources in India as I did. I had been toying with the idea of a website where I could do work that was not adult oriented. Why not bundle my efforts?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Imagine Being Free - Again

This is a journal entry from Sunday 5/18/2008

This is my weekly "imagine being free" time. If I had all the money I could want and was free to spend my time however I wanted, what would I do? Timothy Ferris says "Energy and interest are cyclical" in The 4-Hour Workweek. There's more than one final answer to that question. I don't need to find one thing that fills me with passion forever, just for the next 6 to 12 months. So what is my vision today? Place myself there, and write.

I am self employed. I am easily making enough money to pay my bills and save fore retirements. I have decent health insurance and can easily afford my HIV meds. I'm also a body builder and my muscular body looks and feels good. I am nude at least 80% of the time. I am very comfortable and love my life. My partner and I are very happy together.

I write. Philosophy. Sex stories. Sex movies. I travel. I write software applications, applications that help me run my business - organizing video clips, website advertising, and pictures. I write bodybuilding applications for hand held devices and cellphones.

There are millions of ways to earn money. I don't have to be trapped for a company that controls my productivity and demands all of my time. I do need to be open to receiving. Whatever I give my attention to grows. Always and without exception.