Ego and my Pain-Body

This is from a journal entry on Tuesday November 1, 2011

I also posted an ADULT ONLY blog entry: My First Ejaculation.

I just caught a different perspective. It was a very angry and defensive thought, “I had no choice!” I believe I was feeling bothered at coming out and closing my eyes after getting to work late. I don't really think I was yelling at myself for taking a nap, but I reacted very strongly. My goal is self compassion.

I feel defensive. My pain-body was triggered. I'm getting closer to my goal of non-judgmental self-awareness.

I give myself permission to go into that defensive feeling. I just don't recognize the feeling that triggered it as being very extreme.

I get defensive when I feel I've made a bad decision, or when I feel I am not living up to my own expectations.

Whenever I get defensive, I have an emotional attachment. It is insanity to feel defensive with myself. I l love myself and would never intentionally harm myself. I am the one person I never have to be defensive with. I have no need to judge myself so I have no need to feel defensive. I accept myself completely in this moment.