My Story: Part 1

I am a Sacred Intimate. I have been a Sacred Intimate since I was born.


Today's world does not know what to do with Sacred Intimates. We do not fit the culture. Today's culture does not acknowledge our animal natures except as a weakness to be overcome. Whenever people express their sexual natures in popular culture, they are seen as either weak or deviant. Sometimes people are permitted to be sexual if they are portrayed as being deeply in love and most of the carnal aspect is suppressed.


Why does the state of the world fit into my story? Because it has forced me to protect myself. I had to hide my nature for the first forty five years of my life. It has been difficult to unfold myself with such constriction.


My connection with Spirit is strong, but physical. I recognize the life I feel within me is Spirit. Life's fundamental feature is Love. Love expressed physically is sex. I love whomever I have sex with. Some I love more deeply than others, and that is a weakness. For when I have sex with another, I love myself.


I have always been a Sacred Intimate and that has made my life dangerous. Freely loving others is not safe. When I kissed my best friend in first grade, I found that what was obvious to me was hidden to others. I believed I was defective. They saw a distinction between male and female that I did not see. It was not safe to show affection for other boys. How many of my brothers were silenced when I was ridiculed for not knowing these arbitrary rules?


I have grown immensely since then. I have done much more than kiss other boys. I have taken them inside my body. I have shared my sacred inner space with other men, and was thrilled to be so penetrated. I have loved them without knowing their names. I have made them feel love by receiving them fully.


I have always been a Sacred Intimate. I recognize physical pleasure comes from God as surely as every experience that is mine. God is everywhere. My very consciousness is spiritual in nature. I am not this body, but this body allows me to experience myself. This body reflects me.


I have heard stories about who God is and who I am. I have doubted these stories even as I believed them. This being is afraid of stories of eternal burning in lakes of fire. How could a loving God punish his images like this? What is the purpose? Why turn people loose in the world to have them guess if they're doing the right thing or if they will pay for all eternity for guessing wrong? These are images battling in consciousness - keeping fear alive in me. This too is part of my story.