This is a journal entry from January 24, 2010
Seek first the kingdom.
Today, my consciousness is filled with conflict. I try to relax and move forward, but I feel tired and discouraged. Thoughts that seem powerful at other times fall flat now.
It feels like that persistent, low grade, driving force inside me trying to push me forward. If that force would relax, I would naturally move forward.
My meditation has given me the ability to recognize this force. I can recognize it as ego. I recognize it is not who I am. It's still influencing me to distraction. I can turn my attention there - on a regular basis. I can be free of it and live a much happier life.