This is a journal entry from January 7, 2010
Napoleon Hill (or W Clement Stone) said something like "whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." I don't think this meant that you should try to convince yourself to believe any crazy thing, but that you can keep conceiving of new things until you can find something to believe in.
I've been playing the mega millions each week. I don't do it because I ever have a chance of winning, but to demonstrate that I am willing to receive. I'm giving God an avenue to bless me financially. As practice, I'm imagining how I would use that money if I received it. Part of that plan involves tithing ten percent, paying taxes and setting up some kind of investments that would let me draw an annual income.
After that is the real work. I would be able to do what I wanted, working on my own projects, exploring careers, taking classes... The financial pressure would be off and I would be able to do something without being driven by profit.
All of this leads back to the simple idea that if I'm doing what I was born to do, then all my needs will be met. If I can trust, I won't need to win the lottery. I'll have the resources I need when I need them.
I can see myself writing software for myself, taking time to be creative. When there's no pressure and I can be creative, coding can be very fulfilling. I can see making my own porn videos - regardless if they ever sell or are profitable. I can imagine a company that is not driven by profits, but by helping to heal the consciousness of violence and hatred that is gripping the world.