Transitions

I've been through alot in the past several months. I can't believe I haven't posted about it. Let me catch you up.
In early March, I was laid off. Even with the economy the way it was, it was unexpected. I had survived layoffs during the tech bust and the company wasn't making any indications that there was trouble ahead as long as we buckled down. Oh, well. Years of experience and loyalty don't always pay off. In the 21st century, we need to start fending for ourselves.
I decided to apply for unemployment and to start earning money as a freelancer/contractor/consultant. The only problem was that Rex Harley Unlimited isn't earning any income yet. So I decided to do what I've been doing for years, but doing it for myself. Then I ran into my second problem. I wanted to grow Rex Harley to include web development work, but I don't know the current web design tools. I've been learning PHP, JavaScript and AJAX, but I don't have any work experience with them yet.
The end result was that I was frazzled. I was attending networking events. I was bouncing between marketing myself as a web developer and being a java developer and looking for contract versus full time positions. I was studying new web design tools. I was building a blog application for the Rex Harley website (which has yet to be completed). My schedule was filling up, but I wasn't getting anywhere and I wasn't earning any income.
Luckily, I was able to land a contract position at the beginning of May. I deposited the first check on Friday. But I'm not any less tense, it's just that I'm tense for other reasons. Now I'm less worried about my savings disappearing, but I'm more worried that I can't devote the time to Rex Harley Unlimited. My last blog entry was about that feeling of fighting myself to get myself to do things I don't want to do. I'm still tense trying to figure out what to do next, even when I'm at Lonestar with over 100 other gay men. This is a transition to a new beginning, but I have the feeling it's going to be unfolding for years to come.