My last blog entry was about how I can be promoting authenticity while at the same time using a stage name. This week I had a revelation.
I really am Rex Harley.
My "real" name doesn't reflect the Real me. It is a trap. Rex Harley is escape from the trap. I am moving away from the mask that is my "real" name. I am moving toward my true authentic self in Rex Harley. I am Rex Harley unfolding.
You could argue that Rex Harley is a made up person who doesn't really exist. But as a man growing up gay and hiding who he was, my "real" name is more of an artificial construction. He is a mask I wear to protect myself. I have been more authentic as I grow older, but I never feel safe in revealing myself to people who can threaten my welfare.
Look at it this way. During my day to day life in the "real" world using my "real" name, I am not authentic. I share a very small part of myself. I don't want to loose my job because I've got masturbation videos on the Internet. I'm afraid of being judged. I just don't share that much of myself because I'm afraid people will think less of me if they know who I really am. I have the feeling that I'm not the only one who struggles with that.
So I'm not building a fake stage character called Rex Harley. I'm using Rex Harley to express myself authentically and without shame. Rex Harley gives me a way to explore who I really am. It allows me to unfold safely until some time in the future, I can let go of my old incarnation and be reborn - fully authentic and empowered.