Confidence in Uncertainty

This is from a journal entry dated Friday 9/23/2011

A key part of empowerment for me is letting go of tension. I imagine empowerment feels like confidence. Confidence suggests a certainty of some kind. The tension I feel arises from uncertainty and the resulting fear. I'm not certain that I will be alright. I'm afraid others will hurt me, attack me physically or verbally. It's not likely, but it's possible. How can I be certain I will be OK? I don't think I can, but can I be confident with uncertainty?

If it's OK to make mistakes and if it's OK to be attacked, then I can be confident that I will be alright.

Further, if it happens - then it was meant to happen and it will be OK because that's the way it is. I don't want to be hurt, but if I am hurt then it is good because that is what happened. God is good. There is only one presence and one power in the universe and in my life, God. So everything is good by definition.

Expressing Rex Harley's Potential: Escort?

Here are what I see as being some of my strengths: Reflecting, intuiting, understanding, playing, experimenting, trying, exploring, accepting, figuring it out, believing, trusting, following, obeying, sorting and grouping, scanning, writing, typing, breathing, masturbating, hugging, holding.I like to tinker and explore. I like to understand, to figure things out. I like to explore with others. I am sexually powerful. I am worthy of respect. I like to go within. I like to take my time and fully digest new knowledge. I recognize that there is a more fundamental reality underlying our thoughts about it. The framework is not reality, but only describes it.

How can I express these strengths in my life more fully? Since these are the things that I see as being my strengths, how do I use them to prosper?

I am considering offering my services as an escort. I would like to do some sexological bodywork, but I don't have certified training in massage. Escorting seems like a nice way to go until I can "officially" advertise as a masseur. Here's the text of an ad that I'm considering:

Are you looking for an escort? Rex Harley is available to you as an escort. He has a healing and affirming presence. He is an excellent listener. He is sympathetic, loving and supportive. Rex finds fulfillment in helping you meet your needs and can be relied on for the strictest confidentiality.

Rex charges $80 per hour with an extra $20 for outcalls. There is no charge if you are not completely satisfied.

Any suggestions and recommendations would be greatly appreciated. I want to serve others with my most authentic skills. What do you think?

Living through the body

The following post is a direct result of this morning's Orgasmic Yoga practice: http://adultblog.rexharley.com/2011/09/orgasmic-relaxation.html

On to another esoteric subject. I see some conflict in my thinking. Today, I was very present during my Orgasmic Yoga practice - to the point where I forgot myself. There was only pleasure. This seems to contradict the enjoyable times where I've felt very much into my body - and not in my head. These are two (or three) different things.

I would love to feel so present in the moment that I forgot myself - so that I can simply be myself without filtering. I also enjoy feeling present in my body as my body, having a distinct sensation of being a physical sexual body. But this is chasing a memory of erotic anticipation I once had.

In fact, I do not believe myself to be this body. I identify with the conscious awareness that experiences this body and other bodies as well. I Am life itself: Living this body, breathing this body, and experiencing myself through this body. I am not my thoughts. I am not my fears.

Sacred Eros

I'm trying to consolidate some menu topics. Here are links to entries regarding Sacred Eroticism:

Sacred Intimate

• What is a Sacred Intimate?
• How can I (Rex Harley) be a Sacred Intimate?

Orgasmic Yoga

• What is Orgasmic Yoga?
• My Orgasmic Yoga Practice 
• Past Orgasmic Yoga Sessions

Erotic Temple

• Photos of my Erotic Temple

Silence

The outer circle of the Three Circles Ritual is called Silence. I went to three circles last night and intentionally stayed in the outer circle. This was difficult for me. I use this circle to hold space for the men in the other two circles. There are things to learn in this circle that you can't experience in the others.

Sitting in the outer circle allowed me to see the perfection of everything that was happening. I would drift into judgment and then see that it was perfect exactly the way it was. It was also nice to see that the ritual was working just fine without me being in the middle of it. I could see that if I wasn't there, that they would have done fine without me.

Being in the outer circle, I also acted as the voyeur, charging everyone's inner exhibitionist. I often get a charge watching someone doing something and then expressing that through breath or through my expression. I tried to observe the entire ritual, trying to emulate God's perspective - looking at all the men perfectly loving themselves and learning how to interact more deeply and with more presence. Our culture has neutered us, and the group of men in front of me were healing from that - rediscovering their animal maleness and learning how to embrace it completely. It was among the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

Finally, sitting consciously in the circle of Silence, I discovered a new freedom. I recognized that I was uncomfortable, afraid that I would be judged by not participating (even though I was). In that, I found the freedom of being able to sit and witness and the perfectness of doing that. I discovered anything I could do would be perfect. Anything I didn't do was perfect. Together at that time, we were all perfectly complete and also overcoming our erotic wounds and also learning new ways of being – a unity in contradictions, completely perfect.