Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Slowly Tapping into My Power

This is a journal entry from Monday 9/17/12

Nothing is required. I don't have to go running. I don't even have to go to work. I am free to do as I choose without guilt or second guessing. Whatever I choose to do is OK.

I say that because of the way I felt when I woke up this morning. I felt like I was required to do something that I didn't want to do. I had to. I was supposed to. That wasn't me. Each moment is new. I can't force myself to do something tomorrow and I don't have to do something that I planed yesterday. I am always free. I am always powerful.

I want to be aware of my power, not pump myself up. I want to let go of the tension caused by self doubt.

I'm still leading my double life. They don't know that I'm an erotic healer at work. I still think of the job as my source, although I know that God is my source. I still fear finding another job because God might not approve and decide to decrease my income.

I believe I can trust myself as long as I can release this anxiety. In this moment, I can trusts myself. I have power. I am complete . My mission is to serve.

This is a journal entry from Tuesday 9/18/12

I'm trying to discover what I need to be happy at this job. I feel uncomfortable in the cube. Where would I feel empowered? I love hearing the birds and the wind in the trees.

I am always powerful. I am already fulfilled. The key for me is to relax into my power. The key to great ideas that lead to prosperity is having fun, playing.

I need help, but what do I need?

This is a journal entry from Thursday 9/20/12

I followed my plan this morning. When I woke up, I took time to choose what I was going to do. I didn't try to force myself to get up and do anything. I chose to run, and I did. My heart is happy for the exercise.

My issue isn't really freeing myself from my constraining job. It's really about freeing myself from myself. I will not be a captive to decisions I've made  yesterday. I now seek to free myself from my past and future. I can help myself by having some options handy, but I am free to make it up as I go along. What does discipline look like in this case?

Maybe discipline means choosing an activity and following through with that decision no matter what. Do I have the discipline to live in the present moment and be free from past decisions and future fears? Do I have the discipline to allow myself to be free?

I've downloaded a trial version of a video editing software that let's me edit the files that my new hi def camera produces. This should be sufficiently DVD quality to produce a DVD. My goal is to produce one quality DVD that I an use to showcase my skills in all areas of the process.

I just began thinking about an aspiration I had back before I started feeling like I had no time. I wanted to build my own tool for building websites. I wanted to use object oriented PHP. I chose not to reinvent the wheel. It would still be fun, but Google's blogger application has more features. It still needs an access level control.

I'm thinking more now about an educational tool since I'm unhappy with the Yoga of Sex site. So now I have plenty to choose from. How do I keep them in mind without having them weigh on me?

This is a journal entry from Saturday 9/22/12

I have accomplished what I wanted to today. I ran and took the cat for blood work. Now I'm asking what is mine to do for today, without limits. I look within. Maybe I am in silence. Maybe I am shopping. I want to serve. Something needs to be done that I can do today. My goal is to help someone in need. That may mean asking for help.

This is a journal entry from Sunday 9/23/12

I'm slowly moving forward on my Yoga of Sex class and I'm moving forward to make my DVD.

The only place magic exists in the universe is in our hearts and minds.

There is so much more to the world than what I can see and hear. I have infinite potential. Whatever I can conceive is mine in my heart. How can I tap that infinite life within me? It's like I'm uploading myself into a larger reality.

I'm not interested in how to make money. I am interested in learning how to open myself to this divine flow of healing and let it manifest on Earth.

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