Thursday, October 11, 2012

Still Searching for Power

This is a journal entry from Monday 9/24/12

A new week. I went to the orthodontist to see what my teeth will look like. My partner went to work early. I have to work early tomorrow. I sent my mother some candy and flowers for her birthday. I am building my vision.

This is a journal entry from Thursday 9/27/12

I feel angry at myself for feeling so exhausted and tired. I don't want to judge the way I feel. It just is.

I'm here in the Jeep and allowing my power to rise. I don't want to raise my energy, but to recognize that I already have it. My power runs deep. I am already powerful.

It's time for strategy. I think part of the strategy is focus. Trying to advance in my job at the same time as trying five different ways to start a new one isn't working. I want to develop laser like focus on my mission. Do I need a new job? Forget about expanding my skills. What am I called to do now?

This is a journal entry from Friday 9/28/12

There's something even better than realizing there's nothing I have to do when I wake up and being able to decide at that time. That is realizing there's no need to decide. Now, I can relax into the present moment and recognize my power. I can keep my mind off of churning about what to do next. I can daydream.

This is a journal entry from Saturday 9/29/12

My intention today is to recognize and express my power.

I'm moving from surviving to creating. I'm thinking about what I want to contribute to God and the Universe. I Am the universe that I know. Discord I see outside is actually within. The greatest that I can conceive is also within me. How can I perceive infinite benevolence within me? How can I perceive the awe that is the depth of my soul?

Don't think about what to do today. Focus on being here now and see what arises.

I don't want to sit here. I want to accomplish things and get things done. I don't want to wake up Sunday night and wonder where all the time went. This is producing anxiety. But anxiety is stepping out of my power. I can use my power to give myself what I need. My power puts me above the fray.

I want to feel free to do more. I want to act without thinking. I want to let go of control. I'm afraid of feeling my feelings. I'm acting in spite of my fear. I still think it starts with feeling my power in the present moment. I suspect that it will take longer at first, but the more I put into it, the time can shorten. First feel my power to be free and to do or not do as I choose. Then take that awareness into my activity.

This is a journal entry from Sunday 9/30/12

My intention has been to recognize and express my power. At least part of that power would have to be the ability to embrace stillness. We often think of power as begin active, while believing being passive is being weak. But nothing can be active all of the time. There is always a need for recovery, or the organism dies. Even the heart pauses between each beat.

Many of us are driving ourselves, always trying to push forward. The world we have created is moving so fast that when things slow down to a steady pace, it is seen as a recession.

My theory is that each one of us has the ability to express near infinite power when we are aligned with our true nature. My goal is to design my life so my energy can flow and enrich my world. If I can learn how to do that myself, maybe I can help others learn more easily.

It means letting go of fear. And that means acting in spite of fear. It means disempowering fear.

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