Relax. Right now, everything is OK just the way it is

How can I believe that everything is going to be alright?

• I believe the underlying principle that brought life into existence will continue.
• While I believe in free will, I also believe that there is a divine plan for my life - for everyone's life.
• I believe we are naturally drawn to our path, but that ego leads us off the path. I feel driven by ego and off the path.
• I believe the only part of myself that feels threatened by life is my ego. It's what feels disrespected in traffic. It is what responds to anger with anger.
• I believe I can take it down a notch. Everything is not critical. Everything is OK just the way it is. Life is a transition. Nothing remains the same.

Up until this point, my life has felt heavy. Life has felt jagged and unsafe - compared to having all my needs met as a child. I have abhorred expressing emotion, but the only emotions I can suppress are happy ones. So I often experience fear, anger and sadness.
I want to believe this is not my natural state, but that it is something I can release to uncover myself. I want to believe that I can experience life and feel safe and express joy.

• I am not my thoughts. I am not my ego.
• Only my ego feels overwhelmed.
• Only my ego feels threatened.
• Only my ego feels disrespected.
• Only my ego feels fear.
• Only my ego feels anger.

My primary concern is letting go of this stress and knowing that everything is OK just the way it is.
Just because everything is OK doesn't mean that I have to stop. I continue stepping forward and with each step, it's still OK.
Step 1: Learn to be comfortable expressing happiness and excitement.

I am Rex Harley

My last blog entry was about how I can be promoting authenticity while at the same time using a stage name. This week I had a revelation.

I really am Rex Harley.

My "real" name doesn't reflect the Real me. It is a trap. Rex Harley is escape from the trap. I am moving away from the mask that is my "real" name. I am moving toward my true authentic self in Rex Harley. I am Rex Harley unfolding.

You could argue that Rex Harley is a made up person who doesn't really exist. But as a man growing up gay and hiding who he was, my "real" name is more of an artificial construction. He is a mask I wear to protect myself. I have been more authentic as I grow older, but I never feel safe in revealing myself to people who can threaten my welfare.

Look at it this way. During my day to day life in the "real" world using my "real" name, I am not authentic. I share a very small part of myself. I don't want to loose my job because I've got masturbation videos on the Internet. I'm afraid of being judged. I just don't share that much of myself because I'm afraid people will think less of me if they know who I really am. I have the feeling that I'm not the only one who struggles with that.

So I'm not building a fake stage character called Rex Harley. I'm using Rex Harley to express myself authentically and without shame. Rex Harley gives me a way to explore who I really am. It allows me to unfold safely until some time in the future, I can let go of my old incarnation and be reborn - fully authentic and empowered.