Sunday, March 18, 2012

A time to risk?

This is a journal entry from yesterday, Saturday March 17, 2012

I have a new post on my adult blog: Bathhouse F#@k!

I've made my life complicated again. There are things I want to experience – like serving as a Sacred Intimate and making my first porn movie. It has lead me to heightened stress. For maximum flexibility, I need more simplicity. Life is complicated enough. I need more time to find my spiritual center.

At the same time, I need to involve others on my path. I also don't want to look at my current studies as something I have to do to get somewhere else. I want maximum reality and meaning and depth. I also have HIV. My t-cells are dropping. I'm losing weight. My kidneys are straining and I have high blood pressure. I'm aware that my time in this form is limited. It's time to find the courage to be true to myself to live life from my spiritual strength, to be dangerous, to risk death and shame.

No comments: