Status Update - December 2012

I haven't posted to my blog lately, so I'd like to do a status update.

Over a year ago, I signed up for the Yoga of Sex course offered by Joseph Kramer at The New School of Erotic Touch. Life has been keeping me from making much progress until recently. I'm working on the third assignment. In this assignment, I have the chance to do some masturbation coaching. I've found two or three men who would like to be coached – so this is good experience for me. This class is mostly built on actual practice, but I've also been trying to focus on the theory so that I can talk about it more authoritatively.

I've also recently got to a tattoo that I've been dreaming of for years. It's a biohazard symbol just above my penis to make disclosure of my HIV status more reliable. I was diagnosed with HIV over twenty years ago and I often forget about it and people sometimes tell me they didn't know. You can't tell by looking – so always practice safe sex.

I'm continuing to evolve my identity as a Sacred Intimate. This feels like an inherent identity rather than something to aspire to. I Am a Sacred Intimate already. I'm learning how to manifest this in my life. I have a mainstream job that supports my ability to grow my skills as an erotic educator. I have aspirations to build or join a spiritual erotic community that exists to help people heal their sexual wounds and embrace themselves as erotic sexual beings.

I'm also changing my perspective and learning to live in this moment. I recognize that the past is gone and no longer exists. I recognize the future doesn't exist either. The only thing that truly exists is the eternal present moment and everything is OK right here and right now. It's like standing up. Part of this is simplifying my life. I have a cluttered office. I have begun to slowly parse through it – throwing away everything that no longer serves me. I don't want or need things.

My partner and I are doing well. We are approaching the end of our eleventh year together. We are closer than we've ever been, having survived challenges, vacations and home repair projects. He supports my calling as a Sacred Intimate and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him.

I'm looking for a vounteer!

I need to practice my masturbation coaching skills for a class I'm taking. Literally. I'm looking for a volunteer willing to receive some free masturbation coaching. Having a masturbation coach does not mean you're not good at it, but that you have someone to help you explore your desires more deeply. Everyone should have a masturbation coach to help them explore this most powerful of practices. Would you be willing to set aside some time to experience three half hour masturbation sessions over a week?

If you're willing, send me please contact me via facebook (http://www.facebook.com/RexHarley). make sure you confirm you are over 18 years old. I'll send you a pdf of orgasmic yoga practices to stimulate your imagination. Then we can touch base before you begin your first session by phone/skype/email. Try to schedule it so that you can call or email me within an hour after each session to tell me about your experience. I may offer "homework" for your next session. The goal is to stay conscious and aroused and have fun for thirty minutes.

I can help you take it to the next level, if you're man enough ;)

God is guiding me

This is a journal entry from today

What's wrong with me is that the way I feel doesn't reflect who I am, that I think I don't belong here, that I think there is something else I should be doing. I resist this moment and my feelings. I'm turned inward.
How can I see the truth and realize it within myself? Recognize the lies as lies.

My life is short. I don't want to approach death with the sense that I have not lived.
Working in the mainstream corporate culture is like death to me. It's not that I can't be myself. It's that I am not living – out of fear. The company does not reflect what I believe myself to be. What does? Tattoo studios, piercing parlors, brothels, porn studios, erotic education, spiritual eros, bath houses...
I suffer from a believe that I have to keep doing what I'm doing to make the money I'm making.

God is guiding me. God is fulfilling every need. I relax and let God take care of me.

Manifestation of life/love

This is from a journal entry on Saturday, November 5, 2011

I would like to unleash my maximum power today. That means getting out of my own way. I don't want to channel my energy into doing this or that, but to let my energy flow and see where it leads. I want to let my energy flow and then expand that flow.

I believe that each of us is a manifestation of the one underlying life/love which is sacred. I believe this is what is meant when the Bible says we are created in the image and likeness of God. God is the life within me, within all things.

I have already been hit with the idea that there's not enough time. I'm tempted to skip my Orgasmic Yoga practice this morning. I am in a hurry, but being in a hurry is what prevents me from acting.

I believe I exist in the one eternal present moment. I am already complete in this moment. There is nothing to hurry to. I am powerful in this moment. My purpose in this moment is to know and express my sacred power.

Ego and my Pain-Body

This is from a journal entry on Tuesday November 1, 2011

I also posted an ADULT ONLY blog entry: My First Ejaculation.

I just caught a different perspective. It was a very angry and defensive thought, “I had no choice!” I believe I was feeling bothered at coming out and closing my eyes after getting to work late. I don't really think I was yelling at myself for taking a nap, but I reacted very strongly. My goal is self compassion.

I feel defensive. My pain-body was triggered. I'm getting closer to my goal of non-judgmental self-awareness.

I give myself permission to go into that defensive feeling. I just don't recognize the feeling that triggered it as being very extreme.

I get defensive when I feel I've made a bad decision, or when I feel I am not living up to my own expectations.

Whenever I get defensive, I have an emotional attachment. It is insanity to feel defensive with myself. I l love myself and would never intentionally harm myself. I am the one person I never have to be defensive with. I have no need to judge myself so I have no need to feel defensive. I accept myself completely in this moment.

What do I believe?

This is from a Journal Entry on Saturday 11/5/2011

I believe that each of us is a manifestation of the One underlying Life/Love which is Sacred. I believe this is what is meant when the Bible says that we are created in the image and likeness of God. God is the life within me, within all things.

This is from a Journal Entry on Monday, 10/31/2011

I have also posted an adult entry: I am a child at play

So. what do I believe? I've begun to see myself as a Sacred Intimate – a sacred prostitute. This is so appealing on so many levels, but I can't give myself to this idea.

If I have been led astray by Satan, how do I find my way back to God? Maybe I am so far gone that there can be no redemption. Maybe when I think I'm worshiping God, I'm actually worshiping Satan. Have I been deceived by the great deceiver? If so, then woe is me. In that case, I will never find my way home because I am easily deceived.

I am not trying to unravel this thought. I need to know if it is true. If I pray for God to lead me home, am I praying to Satan to lead me astray? How can this prodigal son find his way home?

If it is up to me, then I am lost. But my faith is strong. There is nothing beyond God's reach - not even me. I believe that the God of my fathers can and will save me in all situations always.

Since this belief comes from the same place as the one that is afraid I have strayed, it should be neutralized. Never be afraid to investigate a thought that frightens you.

I believe more and more that I am not these thoughts, emotions, sensations or body. I associate with that which perceives these things. I choose what I allow into my consciousness. I can dedicate more attention to improving my inner experience so that I can help others do the same. I can know Truth – that I am how I see the world – and be freed to improve my world inside and out.

Building An Intentional Sacred Erotic Community

 

This was written on Saturday November 5, 2011

I would like to scope out a community in Palm Springs.

It would be nice to find a big enough piece of property to build on. It may already have a resort, but it should have room for six sections.

The first section is one common area – it may be the first completed part.

The next five parts are focused on sexual identities – gay, straight, trans/gender non-conforming/queer, bi and straight. I would like for each section to be run by someone in that group. These are safe places.

The central area is where we all come together and experience each others sexuality. I want to touch some straight men. I want to be worshiped by men and women.

I feel juicy.

I want to provide a safe space for sacred intimacy, a place for sexual/spiritual education. I envision workshops and individual practice.

My last post was on my adult blog on October 11. Sorry for the delay with this one.

This entry is from a journal entry on Tuesday 10/27/2011:

I've long had a fascination with a group of men sharing a house. I gained an appreciation of it living in a fraternity in college. A g roup of people living together and sharing responsibility for each other.

I've also enjoyed staying at nude resorts for men. I've dreamed of owning  a resort where I could be always nude.

I've more recently imagined a monastery dedicated to sacred sex. What would my life have been like if I could have dedicated myself to having sex in the service of God?

So now I dream of tying all these ideas together. Building a community of men and women to support the work of sacred sexuality in a safe environment. A combination of a resort and a retreat center served by men and women dedicated to the idea of providing a healing environment where  sexuality is respected as a sacred gift.

I've explored this idea in previous posts: Nudist Community, Industry Research in California.

I Love

Father, how can I learn to trust you? Yesterday, I experienced you expressing as a man, a sacred intimate. I poured out my soul to you. I know you are as present now as you were then. I believe that you underlie all things and are present in everyone. It's difficult for me to be present in that. There is a fear in me of other people. They don't seem to be aware of who they are, as I don't feel aware of who I am. I Am you. You express in the universe through me and everyone.

They say God is Love, but another way to say that is “I Love.” My heart breaks. I Am free.

It is profound how perfect everything is. The heart breaks because it expands beyond it's crusty shell. The more it breaks, the less they crusty shell can form – keeping me open to love. Everything I experience is Love.

Tell her this: The only truth to your experience is Love. You are much stronger than you are even aware, stronger than you can know. You are bathed in the Love of God. You are greater than this experience. You are beyond harm forever. Let your awareness of this grow inside.

Confidence in Uncertainty

This is from a journal entry dated Friday 9/23/2011

A key part of empowerment for me is letting go of tension. I imagine empowerment feels like confidence. Confidence suggests a certainty of some kind. The tension I feel arises from uncertainty and the resulting fear. I'm not certain that I will be alright. I'm afraid others will hurt me, attack me physically or verbally. It's not likely, but it's possible. How can I be certain I will be OK? I don't think I can, but can I be confident with uncertainty?

If it's OK to make mistakes and if it's OK to be attacked, then I can be confident that I will be alright.

Further, if it happens - then it was meant to happen and it will be OK because that's the way it is. I don't want to be hurt, but if I am hurt then it is good because that is what happened. God is good. There is only one presence and one power in the universe and in my life, God. So everything is good by definition.

Expressing Rex Harley's Potential: Escort?

Here are what I see as being some of my strengths: Reflecting, intuiting, understanding, playing, experimenting, trying, exploring, accepting, figuring it out, believing, trusting, following, obeying, sorting and grouping, scanning, writing, typing, breathing, masturbating, hugging, holding.I like to tinker and explore. I like to understand, to figure things out. I like to explore with others. I am sexually powerful. I am worthy of respect. I like to go within. I like to take my time and fully digest new knowledge. I recognize that there is a more fundamental reality underlying our thoughts about it. The framework is not reality, but only describes it.

How can I express these strengths in my life more fully? Since these are the things that I see as being my strengths, how do I use them to prosper?

I am considering offering my services as an escort. I would like to do some sexological bodywork, but I don't have certified training in massage. Escorting seems like a nice way to go until I can "officially" advertise as a masseur. Here's the text of an ad that I'm considering:

Are you looking for an escort? Rex Harley is available to you as an escort. He has a healing and affirming presence. He is an excellent listener. He is sympathetic, loving and supportive. Rex finds fulfillment in helping you meet your needs and can be relied on for the strictest confidentiality.

Rex charges $80 per hour with an extra $20 for outcalls. There is no charge if you are not completely satisfied.

Any suggestions and recommendations would be greatly appreciated. I want to serve others with my most authentic skills. What do you think?

Living through the body

The following post is a direct result of this morning's Orgasmic Yoga practice: http://adultblog.rexharley.com/2011/09/orgasmic-relaxation.html

On to another esoteric subject. I see some conflict in my thinking. Today, I was very present during my Orgasmic Yoga practice - to the point where I forgot myself. There was only pleasure. This seems to contradict the enjoyable times where I've felt very much into my body - and not in my head. These are two (or three) different things.

I would love to feel so present in the moment that I forgot myself - so that I can simply be myself without filtering. I also enjoy feeling present in my body as my body, having a distinct sensation of being a physical sexual body. But this is chasing a memory of erotic anticipation I once had.

In fact, I do not believe myself to be this body. I identify with the conscious awareness that experiences this body and other bodies as well. I Am life itself: Living this body, breathing this body, and experiencing myself through this body. I am not my thoughts. I am not my fears.

Sacred Eros

I'm trying to consolidate some menu topics. Here are links to entries regarding Sacred Eroticism:

Sacred Intimate

• What is a Sacred Intimate?
• How can I (Rex Harley) be a Sacred Intimate?

Orgasmic Yoga

• What is Orgasmic Yoga?
• My Orgasmic Yoga Practice 
• Past Orgasmic Yoga Sessions

Erotic Temple

• Photos of my Erotic Temple

Silence

The outer circle of the Three Circles Ritual is called Silence. I went to three circles last night and intentionally stayed in the outer circle. This was difficult for me. I use this circle to hold space for the men in the other two circles. There are things to learn in this circle that you can't experience in the others.

Sitting in the outer circle allowed me to see the perfection of everything that was happening. I would drift into judgment and then see that it was perfect exactly the way it was. It was also nice to see that the ritual was working just fine without me being in the middle of it. I could see that if I wasn't there, that they would have done fine without me.

Being in the outer circle, I also acted as the voyeur, charging everyone's inner exhibitionist. I often get a charge watching someone doing something and then expressing that through breath or through my expression. I tried to observe the entire ritual, trying to emulate God's perspective - looking at all the men perfectly loving themselves and learning how to interact more deeply and with more presence. Our culture has neutered us, and the group of men in front of me were healing from that - rediscovering their animal maleness and learning how to embrace it completely. It was among the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

Finally, sitting consciously in the circle of Silence, I discovered a new freedom. I recognized that I was uncomfortable, afraid that I would be judged by not participating (even though I was). In that, I found the freedom of being able to sit and witness and the perfectness of doing that. I discovered anything I could do would be perfect. Anything I didn't do was perfect. Together at that time, we were all perfectly complete and also overcoming our erotic wounds and also learning new ways of being – a unity in contradictions, completely perfect.

How can I be a Sacred Intimate?

I'm trying to understand what I mean when I say I'm a Sacred Intimate and how it represents a profession.

My Mission is to lead people to healing, to contribute to the healing of a suffering world, to express myself fully and completely as a loving and caring man, and to explore the union and balance of sexuality and spirituality.

My vision is to be an instrument of God's healing love, to embrace and grow God's use of my body temple, and to use all of my skills to teach that sex is a physical manifestation of the spiritual principle of Love.


When I think of being a Sacred Intimate, I envision being a sex worker. There's much more to it than that, but sex is a biological need that many men have difficulty meeting for various reasons. I feel I can help men lead more fulfilling lives by serving in the sacred capacity of helping them meet this need.

There's also a healing capacity that goes with this. I still don't understand my healing capacity. My appreciation of sex comes from a very innocent place. For me, all sex is play. I want to help other men to find the ability to play sexually. Come to my playroom and let's explore each other. Let's play pretend. Share some of the things you like to do but are not completely comfortable with or are ashamed of and let me affirm your desires.

How else do I manifest as a Sacred Intimate? I have often mirrored people when we have sex. I'm receptive to their desires and am attentive to subtle and obvious ques. I like to let my partner lead me into their world and my sexual experience expands as a result. I love exploring sex this way.

I practice Orgasmic Yoga most mornings. Sometimes someone joins me. I build my erotic energy and release it into my day, or send healing energy to someone, or experience God, or use it to manifest my prayers. I release creative energy into the world to contribute to its healing. In a world that seems fixated on celebrating violence, I celebrate Love.

I want to make pornographic movies that demonstrate sexual freedom that others can use for validation of their own desires. I want people to see me freely and lovingly enjoy my body sexually and think to themselves "Oh, if he can do it, then so can I."

I can only lead people to healing who are ready to be healed. Many of us identify so strongly with our pain that we're not ready for healing. For those, I want to hold lovingly close to my heart. I want to love them until they can love themselves.

So I need some containers for packaging these services. I can work one on one. I can lead small groups. I can reach larger groups via various media. I feel the desire to write on various topics - spiritual and sexual. This and pornography offer me the ability to reach the most people. Zig Ziglar said that the secret to getting what you want is to help enough other people to get what they want. If I can begin satisfying these needs for sacred sexuality, then the money to support my work will become available. We have a deep need in this society, so I have plenty of work to keep me busy.

On Consciousness

I have a new ADULT blog entry about using the Aneros to explore anal pleasure for men who don't recognize anal stimulation as pleasurable: Aneros Play

This is from a journal entry dated Monday August 8, 2011 - on a flight to attend Erotic Temple at Wildwood:

I was reflecting on trying to explain my perspective on being, and how words either are hard to come by or are completely misleading.

I begin by noticing that everything I perceive, my entire experience of reality happens within this body. That conjures the image of a miniature person sitting inside the brain watching a big screen TV. That's obviously not the case, not even figuratively.

Somehow my experience is the perceiving, and maybe I am this perceiving. After the perception, the experience produces thoughts that I perceive. From theses thoughts, I build an intellectual understanding of the world.

But I am not my understanding, I am the perceiving. I am not my identity, the story I believe about who I am. My consciousness comes and goes and changes from day to day, but I remain unchanged.

I am not my experience, but the experiencing of my experience.

I always need to make a leap at this point. As I have the capacity to perceive, everything in the universe has the same potential. I eat food. The food is incorporated into my body and brain. Does it then gain the ability to perceive or has it always had this ability? Old particles/molecules from my body/brain return to the world. Everything is dynamic and changes, but everything is alive because God is omnipresent - whatever that means to you.

We were never kicked out of the Garden of Eden. We're still there, we just can't perceive it easily with thinking in the way. I am the part of the universe perceiving itself. I am God perceiving God in all the forms I can take. Words fall short - as always.

Death

First off, I've posted a request to my adult blog to engage in some self pleasuring: Love From Within

Next up, I was recently at an intensive focused on the erotic and the sacred. During that week, I considered a statement that I would want communicated after I died. The following is what I came up with:

Your suffering is optional. You may not know this when you are suffering, but it is true. Your pain is real, but suffering is not.

I have come to believe that the universe is loving. I call that love "God." I experience life and grow from that experience, painful or pleasurable. Pain sometimes comes from God, but it coms from a place of love.

Take care of your own consciousness. Focus on what is good and beautiful, and it will grow. Question your negative thoughts and they lose their power. All thought falls short of Truth and is a lie - even this thought. Grow the beauty within you until it spills out and beautifies the world. That's how it works.

April '10 Insights

• I was thinking about trying to wake up in the morning. The part of me that is trying to push myself is me and I am the one who has the power to get up. Actually, the part of me that is telling me to get up is my thoughts. This is an excellent example of my thoughts not being my true existence.
• How can I find a new extended family of choice? Am I the only one who sees the need?
• I live as part of a tribe of men who share my values.

Responsibilities Balance Freedom

This is a journal entry from April 10, 2010

I think things will continue to unfold. I have a sense that many of the world's problems come from selfishness and self-centeredness. If you look, evil on the large scale doesn't usually come from wanting to be evil. The greatest evil tends to come from desiring to conquer perceived evil in the world. For Hitler, it was the Jewish people (not evil). For Bin Laden, it was against evil Western civilization (not evil). The greater extreme you go to to rid the world of what you believe is evil, the more evil you will do. That's probably why Jesus said to avoid resisting evil. It's a tough lesson to follow, but crucial for the Kingdom of Heaven (Utopia).

The founding father's envisioned a world of personal freedom. That's absolutely essential, but it cannot be sustained if individuals do not support the whole. If mega-corporations search for every legal loophole to maximize profits, then it's not possible to leave them with less regulation. The founding fathers swore their lives and fortunes to each other in the pursuit of freedom. That common good has less support today. The world appears unbalanced.

This greater good must be fostered, but forcing people to support it would be counter to personal liberty. Servicing the common good needs to be fostered. It needs to be raised up as a guiding principle and as core a value as the pursuit of freedom is. It seems like getting something for nothing is valued in our culture.

So:

1. Take care of yourself first, otherwise you cannot help others. Do not trust government to take care of you, but be self reliant.
2. Use your personal freedom to support the greater good, the common good. Help others to grow their good.

It's not appropriate to force people to support the common good. Everyone is at their own stage of growth. A good goal is to encourage enough people to support the common good that we bring the world to a stable place.

Finding Freaky Meaningful Work

This is a portion of a journal entry from April 4, 2010

...

Spirituality is the basis. It comes first. I seek first the Kingdom. I listen to the silence between my thoughts to connect with the one Power, one Presence and one Intelligence of the universe. This is not one piece of my career strategy. It is the foundation for everything I do.

From intense spiritual awareness, I am free from my thoughts and emotions. I am free to act and be authentically who I am on every level. I am not trapped by fear. I am not trapped by self-criticism. I freely do what I feel called to do.

I feel called to help other people find the same freedom that I want for myself. I believe that in that freedom, people will find their true calling and the world will be in balance. I believe that if enough people will be focused on the good of the whole that the world will find the Peace of God.

None of that requires a specific job or career. I can do all of that regardless of what I do for a living or how I grow my prosperity.

God is the source of my supply. My job is to do what I do best in a way that my preceding priorities are not compromised. That means expressing an avenue of prosperity that allows me to be nude or wear kilts, show my piercings and tattoos, not hide my exhibitionism, be sensual and spiritual, be as much of a freak as I like.

It might be good to reach out to the communities of gays and freaks and other freedom loving people to see how I can support them with my technical skills. If my customers are freaks, I ought to be able to be as much of a freak as I like - and carry the message of God's love in a way that conservative evangelicals could only dream.

...

Seeking Participants and Observers

I've mentioned in the past that I practice orgasmic yoga daily (or nearly so) as a spiritual practice. If you think you might want to be involved, please find out more on my adult blog. My adult blog is intended for adults only.